My Poor Husband....

My poor husband......he felt such shame...he didn't want to leave the house...go to church...see anyone...When our friends came over to check on me..(and there were so very many who did, we were so blessed with loving friends), I made sure to tell them to love HIM up...I turned there attention from me to him.  He needed their love and forgiveness to feel whole again.  I wanted him to feel loved.  Our friends took their cue from me.  If I could forgive and love him completely then so would they!

My mother was in a care facility and I remember telling her about my husband's having an affair.  She was not doing well and had lost the will to live but she did have the presence of mind to comment..."the asshole!"  My father on the other hand was quite flippant and just said, 'men will do that, it will be fine.'

My husband was struggling at work.  One night there was a bachelor party gone bad.  All the law enforcement was called to the scene.  My husband said, (in front of EVERYONE),  'let's just line them all up and shoot them!'  Needless to say his superior officer relieved him from duty.

Someone had the cool head to ask me about his guns...I had his Lt. check his locker for his service weapon and another good friend came and took his gun that he kept at home.

My husband was out on disability.  He was NOT handling that well.  It was his identity and being out of work was just plain HARD!  He began to develop many symptoms.  He had severe pain all over.  He described it like something was hammering on his bones.  He was so weak he could not hold a cup of coffee.  He itched all over!  He was a mess.  I lovingly nursed him and took him to all kinds of doctors and specialist to find out what was wrong with him.  Each doctor had a different diagnosis and with every diagnosis my husband would get on the computer and read about the illness...he would then develop more symptoms....

He was seeing our counselor and another doctor who prescribed all kinds of medications to 'help him'.  Mood elevators, anger management, anti-anxiety...you name it...he lost days at a time...he would fall asleep in the middle of dinner or the middle of bible study....

The doctors knew what they were doing....everything was going to be okay...ARE YOU KIDDING ME???