My Poor Husband....

My poor husband......he felt such shame...he didn't want to leave the house...go to church...see anyone...When our friends came over to check on me..(and there were so very many who did, we were so blessed with loving friends), I made sure to tell them to love HIM up...I turned there attention from me to him.  He needed their love and forgiveness to feel whole again.  I wanted him to feel loved.  Our friends took their cue from me.  If I could forgive and love him completely then so would they!

My mother was in a care facility and I remember telling her about my husband's having an affair.  She was not doing well and had lost the will to live but she did have the presence of mind to comment..."the asshole!"  My father on the other hand was quite flippant and just said, 'men will do that, it will be fine.'

My husband was struggling at work.  One night there was a bachelor party gone bad.  All the law enforcement was called to the scene.  My husband said, (in front of EVERYONE),  'let's just line them all up and shoot them!'  Needless to say his superior officer relieved him from duty.

Someone had the cool head to ask me about his guns...I had his Lt. check his locker for his service weapon and another good friend came and took his gun that he kept at home.

My husband was out on disability.  He was NOT handling that well.  It was his identity and being out of work was just plain HARD!  He began to develop many symptoms.  He had severe pain all over.  He described it like something was hammering on his bones.  He was so weak he could not hold a cup of coffee.  He itched all over!  He was a mess.  I lovingly nursed him and took him to all kinds of doctors and specialist to find out what was wrong with him.  Each doctor had a different diagnosis and with every diagnosis my husband would get on the computer and read about the illness...he would then develop more symptoms....

He was seeing our counselor and another doctor who prescribed all kinds of medications to 'help him'.  Mood elevators, anger management, anti-anxiety...you name it...he lost days at a time...he would fall asleep in the middle of dinner or the middle of bible study....

The doctors knew what they were doing....everything was going to be okay...ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

The Beginning

My husband is gifted in writing.  He wrote a beautiful letter explaining how he realized how much he loved me and that he was sorry for making a mistake...yada, yada, yada....

We went to his office hand in hand.  It was the weekend and no one was there.  We left the letter in her office and reclaimed all the places they were 'together'. Not fun for me!

I was clinging and insecure...just needed to touch him, make sure he was there...so concerned about him going back to work the following day and his being with HER.

God does have an incredible sense of humor.  You will see evidence of this throughout my story.

I woke up concerned about this poor girl who is in love with my husband.  She was going to get this letter and would be all alone...sad and hurt.  I called her best friend to give her a heads up to be there for her.  I knew how I had felt and didn't want her to be alone.  Her friend denied that they were having an affair....then conceded and said, 'poor ________ !  after all she has gone through now this!'   This POOR GIRL was breaking up my family....and she was sorry for her!  Needless to say...this person and I are no longer friends.

So started driving to the councilor twice a week.  He went back to work with her.  I was working part time and my son...my poor son was in 8th grade...his poor teachers!

I was handling everything just fine....ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Faithful Friends

Sorry this has taken so long for me to get back to.  This is the tough stuff!!!  From here on so much happened so fast that I am trying to figure out how to get it all down.  I am awful at time line so.... I have a tendency to forget all the bad...  a survival technique for sure!

That day...that awful day....God would put the people in my mind that I needed to call.  He surrounded me with faithful friends that could minister to both my husband and myself.

My poor son!  I did have the presence of mind to take care of him...a mom thing thank goodness.  He was 13 and some of our other great friends took him until things...calmed down.

One of our friends took my husband up to the mountain and prayed with him.  While they were gone I was surrounded with the love and prayers of many friends.

When my husband got home we contacted a wonderful Christian counselor.  He fit us in first thing the following morning...a God thing for sure!!!  My husband wanted to fix things...to get well...he would do anything....

Not so the next morning!  He woke up angry...so very angry!  He didn't want to go...it was too hard...he just wanted to be with her...  I didn't know what to do...who to call...  My pastor pulled into the parking lot right then...I knew God had sent him!  I ran out and explained that my husband was struggling...he was too busy to come....

I finally got my husband to go.  He yelled and screamed and cussed at me all the way to the appointment, one hour!  Fun trip!  We were both stressed by the time we arrived.

My husband told his story,  (at least what he wanted the councilor to know).  The councilor took a deep breath and said, "what are you STUPID?"  I will love that man forever!!!!

He let my husband talk and me cry.  My husband....loving husband, asked what he was supposed to do with his 'feelings'.  This wise man told him they were only feelings and would pass...he told him to write her a letter and that I was to read it and we would deliver it to her office together.  Then we were to go to all the places where they had been together and reclaim them...we were to hug and kiss and make them ours...

We had a game plan.. everything was going to be okay!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????.